So let me tell you my absolutely true story of how the right
car insurance helped me gain fame, fortune and the love of
my life, all because I purchased a top-hole insurance
plan at the exact right moment in time — give or take a few
seconds, if you want to be technical about it.
First of all, let me start off by saying that I raise wombats.
Not your silly, common garden variety wombats — those are a dime
a dozen — but really high quality, well-bred wombats, the type
you can take on the train with you when you visit the mater on
You might ask yourself — although you’d do better if you asked
me instead — just what use are wombats? That’s where I’d answer
you, well, what use are dogs and cats? I mean, what use is
Michael Parkinson, when you come to think of it? Wombats have
their place in society, too.
At any rate, I was taking Ethelred, my prize wombat, down to the
country with me on the train one Sunday - my car was in a police
pound, because I hadn't paid for car insurance - to check out some
high-grade furze, when I opened the door of his hatch so that he
could enjoy the view. That’s when he became a little
unnecessarily fascinated with the woman sitting next to us.
It would have all been all right in the end, of course, if she
hadn’t had a handbag; it wasn’t Ethelred’s fault that she had to
carry one. I mean, why do women carry such large handbags? Well,
he didn’t know what it was, probably thought it was some kind of
a nest. Come to think of it, it rather looked like a nest, and I
suppose that’s why he dived right in.
She didn’t have to scream so loud. It’s not as if Ethelred
looked anything like a snake; he’s actually quite cute and
cuddly, if you don’t notice his teeth. Even then, he has a few
missing, so she shouldn’t have reacted so strongly.
“Madam,” I called out above the din, “Wombats are herbivores;
besides, Ethelred has already had his Sunday dinner, and he
knows he’s on a strict diet.” You have to be firm with some
Of course, she paid no attention — and the upshot of it all was
that she frightened poor Ethelred; I’m afraid he went a bit off
his head. He jumped out of the handbag, landed on her hair —
which really did look like a nest — and made rather a mess of
it. I imagine it would have been rather painful, except for the
fact that it was all a wig; luckily, it stayed on until right
before he jumped off.
That didn’t keep her from taking me to court. Thanks to my
top-notch business insurance, not only were my court costs taken
care of, but I also got off with a warning, because my insurance
helped me pay for a first-rate solicitor as well.
After the story came out in the press, suddenly everyone wanted
a wombat to give as a gift. Since I’m the only wombat seller in
this part of England, I made a fortune.
Did I mention that I also met the love of my life? Well, another
wombat fancier contacted me because she wanted her lady wombat
to meet Ethelred. So it turns out that Ethelred and I both found
the love of our lives — and all because of the right business
It does make you wonder a bit about the scheme of things,
On a different subject - has your car been impounded? Need impounded car insurance?